He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
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I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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