Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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