yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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