Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize