What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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