i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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