I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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