break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
