Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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