Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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