..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
