Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize