The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
