I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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