Midget sex pt 2 tonight
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
