He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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