You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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