She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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