Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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