remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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