So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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