i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was like eating out sand paper
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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