Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
