Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
