the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize