dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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