just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
