Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
