vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
