Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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