I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
