Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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