I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
