And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
