It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
