i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
