i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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