Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize