5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
