Umm I'm too high to move.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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