this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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