yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
