I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
