I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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