you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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