he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize
