just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
