I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh god it's open bar.
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