Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
