i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
