i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
