and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
