dude i'm inner monologue high
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
