He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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