did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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