He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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