Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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