Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
