I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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