Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize