people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Are my feet made of real feet?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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