That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize