I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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