And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
