Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he fucked my hip out of place.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
