how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
