So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
